my thoughts on motherhood, kids, books and stuff

The Important Things

The broken laptop was the last straw for me tonight.

I had been wanting a laptop for a long time and was kindly given an older one a few weeks ago that did everything I needed it to. I could read my email and friend’s blogs as I settled in for bed, or write in my journal or look up “sandboxes” on Craigslist. It was perfect!

I walked into my bedroom tonight and Kai said, “look Mommy!” and pointed to the laptop with several buttons from the keyboard scattered around the room.

photo Brett tinkered with it for nearly an hour and determined that too many pieces were snapped off and not a single key could be replaced. We are still not sure if it can be repaired or used again.

I smoldered at the dinner table while I thought about the computer. I also thought about the pen that Kai had snapped in half yesterday, dumping half of the ink on my carpet and the other half on my favorite quilt.

I could not get the kids in bed fast enough and then I aggressively cleaned my kitchen in a huff. It didn’t make me feel better.

As I walked through the living room on the way downstairs I stopped at the piano. When I really need to unwind or let off some steam, pounding it out on the piano is just what I need.Kai

I didn’t have anything in mind to play so I reached into one of my bags stuffed with music and pulled out a book. I threw it up on the piano and flipped it open to one of the songs I was familiar with. As I started to play I felt the tension leaving, but the sadness building. It took me a minute to realize that I was playing a song that I played years ago at the funeral for a baby girl. The mother was the little sister of a friend of mine and it was her second child and her second funeral as a mother. It was also the last child they would have because of their fear of burying another baby. I don’t remember all of the details, but because of an incompatibility genetically, their chances of having a baby that did not get terminally sick were very low. I remember keeping it together as I viewed their beautiful baby girl in her coffin, as I played “Love One Another” as the family entered the chapel, as I played “In the Arms of His Love” as a special number, and as I played, “Families Can Be Together Forever” as the coffin was carried to the hearse. As soon as the chapel doors shut behind the last family member I collapsed into tears.

I went straight home and scooped up my three babies and smothered them in kisses.

I also smothered Kai in kisses tonight as I went to check on him a couple of hours after putting him to bed. He had awakened and Lincoln had just finished reading to him. He was finally drowsy again and starting to drift off to sleep. He gave me a tired half-smile and wrapped his arms around my neck and kissed my cheek.

“I love you Kai,” I said.

“Yuh you too,” he softly replied.

I thank a loving Heavenly Father for guiding me to pull out my old piano book tonight so that I could be reminded of the blessings in my life. Carpet, quilts, and computers are temporary. I would give them all up in a heartbeat for the promise of endless more nights of hugs, kisses, and “I yuh you too"’s.

  • Stacey Silva

    Ah, how sweet! I loved reading that, it's so true, and now I want to go smother my little baby with kisses! She's almost 2, dangit, going by too fast! :)

  • bentalbert

    A great perspective Kim. I remember clearly the time I walked into my room to find that one of my kids had deleted my graduate thesis from the laptop. It was irretrievable and I had to start over. Can't say I was able to assuage the anger and sadnessz I felt as quickly or as spiritually. I'm over it now though. I think.

  • http://blog.nordquist.org Brett Nordquist

    I'm glad one of us handled it well. I was still upset and was disappointed in how I acted as I drove into work. I figured the laptop was ruined. I asked around at work and was able to find a replacement keyboard for $10 and several offers to help install it. Thanks for capturing this. Kai is a sweet kid.

  • Grandmahenke

    I don't remember the first time one of my “valuables” was destroyed by a child or when I realized that the real “valuables” are the children, not the possession. I know how much you love having a laptop now and how disappointed and bad you must have felt when you thought it was gone for good. Kai will enjoy hearing this story as he grows older and will probably tell it to his children and use it in teaching lessons in church. It feels so good when we have these kind of “aha” moments in life. I'm glad it turned out so well.

    • http://blog.nordquist.org Brett Nordquist

      I bought Kim a new keyboard and it arrived today. Got it installed and the ENTER key doesn't work. So I ordered another. We'll get it working yet.

  • Kelleynr

    Thanks for the gentle reminder. He is dang cute!

  • Kelleynr

    Thanks for the gentle reminder. He is dang cute!

  • Kelleynr

    Thanks for the gentle reminder. He is dang cute!

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