my thoughts on motherhood, kids, books and stuff

The Messenger

It was a combination of little and big things that culminated to the end of a day that found me crying on the floor of my locked bathroom.

Little things like hair that wouldn’t cooperate and ended up in a messy ponytail all day, kids bickering, annoying allergies, guilt from $30 spent at a drive through because I felt too worn out to pull together a good dinner.

Bigger things, like a headache from a nap I never should have taken, another rainy and dreary May day, the never ending messes that need cleaned up, my daughter being ten minutes late to kindergarten roundup because I didn’t get organized in time.

The sassy words that my daughter said to me in front of one of the kid’s teachers and a friend were the climax of my bad day. They were words that stung and embarrassed me, and made me feel guilty and made me doubt my parenting. All the way to the car I prepared my lecture about respect and honoring our parents, but just as I started delivering it I burst into tears. This caused her to burst into tears for making me cry, which caused me to feel guilty and cry harder.

Four hours, and many little things later I locked myself in the bathroom and cried. And cried. And finally prayed for some help to get control of myself.

I finally pulled myself together, somewhat, and walked out into my bedroom and to the pile of clean laundry on my bed that needed folded and put away. (Which, thanks to a sweet husband, meant we HAD clean clothes to wear tomorrow.)

I sat on the bed and started to fold.

“Can I help you?” A sweet little voice said.

I turned to see my six year old son Lincoln walking through my bedroom door. His hair was a little disheveled and his eyes looked tired.

Linc glasses

“Sure!” I squeaked, as the tears started again and he hopped up on the other side of the bed and started folding.

We folded in silence for a few minutes while I tried to discreetly wipe away those darn tears that wouldn’t stop.

“When I am done folding with you I will help you put it all away. I could tell you were sad when you tucked me in and I wanted to help you.”

(more silent tears)

After we finished putting away the laundry I told him he could sleep in my bed until Brett and I went to bed. I curled up with him to cuddle for a bit before heading downstairs.

We laid under the covers and snuggled and chatted.

Then Lincoln asked, “Are you wearing slippers?”

“Just slipper socks, why?”

“I just wondered what you were wearing on your feet because I thought I would rub them and I want to make sure you can feel it.”

He then hopped down to my feet and pulled off my socks and rubbed my feet for fifteen minutes while we giggled and chatted.

When I finally left him so he could sleep my heart felt much lighter than it had all day.

Lincoln almost always falls asleep within a couple of minutes of laying down. Heavenly Father gave me a tender mercy by helping him stay awake for a good twenty minutes while I had my pity party in the locked bathroom.

I am always grateful for these reminders to count my blessings, and I am amazed how many times they are delivered by children, who I have decided are some of God’s best messengers.

  • What a sweet, sweet boy. I’m sorry about the bad day, but all that thoughtlfulness must’ve gone a long way towards comforting you.

    Here’s to tomorrow and a fresh start.

  • That is a bittersweet story Whimmer….sorry you had a bad day yet so touched by Lincoln’s reponse. You sounded so chipper when we chatted earlier, you hide it too well 😉

  • That is the cutest story and a great reminder of the tender mercies and how prayers are answered. I love that you didn’t just send him back to bed.
    Hope you are feeling better!

  • One of the most poignant and best stories you’ve ever told. A perfect example why the selfish part of me wants you to blog even more.

  • Oh, Kim. I have had so many days like that. The drive through thing? Sing it, sister. I could have written half of this post and not changed a thing.

    That Lincoln– what a dear. He wanted to rub your feet and have you feel it! Are you wearing slippers? Ah! My heart be still.

    Wish I could be there to help you.

    Fold the laundry, Brett. ;-p

  • Jana

    Thanks for sharing that bit of “honest” life. I seem to have been having a few of those day’s myself lately. I know deep down for me it stems from pms & I try so hard not to let it effect my family, but there are those days that it all seems to pile up and then hear comes the tears. Heavenly Father always knows just what it takes to calm our troubled hearts, and alot of times it is our beautiful children who he sends. Thanks again for sharing.

  • I so know this story. I felt so strung out just a few days ago. The good thing is with each new day brings opportunity for joy and hope of a better day.

  • Shantel

    I cried when I read this! I have had so many days that I have felt the same way (especially recently), Thank You for posting something so real and personal. When I read blogs its seems like everyone shows their best side or perfect life, not the rough days or the days you would like to push pause on your kids so you can get away. So Thank you for showing your perfectly imperfect life!

  • Cindy Larkin

    loved this post. can I cry in your bathroom with you?

  • whim

    @Warren – Now that I have become a pro at hiding it, my new goal is to NOT hide it so well.

  • whim

    @Cindy Larkin – Of course! Brett would agree that my waterworks have no problem turning on at home, but the past couple of years I have learned how refreshing it can be to cry with a friend.

  • Grandma Henke

    I think every mother and wife has locked herself in the bathroom or found a corner in a closet to sob. Being wife and mother 24/7 is definitely a roller coaster ride of emotions and having a sinus infection as a backdrop is enough to take anyone over the top. Sweet little Lincoln … he made me cry! He’s a sweet little guy to be so in tune to his momma’s needs. And so is your precious little girl whose spunk sometimes shows up in embarrassing ways. I’ve been in those situations as well … when I wanted to melt into the floor. All you have to do is look at your little family to know you are doing a good job. Let the tears flow when they need to but don’t forget to pat yourself on the back occasionally too. I am very proud of you! I can’t wait to get up there for some “girls night out”!

  • Maryanne

    Oh Kim! I am SO glad that I read this post first AND THEN read the birthday funnies and watched the little cartoon video AFTER. I was bawling after reading this…..just feeling your pain that every mother knows. I was in need of a good laugh after reading this honest and candid experience of yours. Thanks for posting and letting all us moms know that we’re all rowing the same boat. And it’s okay to lock ourselves in the bathroom every once-in-a-while and have a good cry. We deserve it!

    What a sweetheart little Lincoln is! Truly a tender mercy for sure.

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  • Wow this might be the best post I have ever read. Truth is what connect us helps us understand our own struggles.


  • Mike Henneke

    I forgot how much I enjoy your writing. Whenever you write, I am uplifted.

    • Mike Henneke

      All is 100 percent smooth now. Right? No child behavioral issues whatsoever.