Taming the Beast

I have really abused what I call my “mean mommy” voice today. I don’t know why there are days that I can’t seem to get out of that mode, but I decided I better make a list of triggers and how I can prevent them.

1. Being cold. I hate to be cold and I am always cold in the mornings. Even in the summer. I get cranky if I can’t stop shivering. So from now on the thermostat will be set to 85 degrees from 7am to noon.

2. Hunger. I hate being hungry too. The kids will now be required to tell me where their secret stashes of candy are and I will promise to only steal from them when I am crabby. It really is a “win win” solution if they think about it long enough (while they are in time out from whining and crying because I stole their candy) Oh, and they have to promise to not tell their dad because we are supposed to be off of sugar. It all sounds wrong, but it really is for the greater good.

3. Whining and crying. I have tried everything I can think of to stop my kids from doing this and nothing seems to be working so I think my next attempt is going to be whining and crying myself next time they start. It might work. I think they will be so stunned they will stop. But only when it is authentic and I really don’t think it is going to be very hard.

4. Too much noise. Earplugs and muzzles. The earplugs are for me of course. The muzzles are not.

5. Lack of sleep. I am now allotted one nap a day as needed. The kids will have the following choices of how to spend their time while I sleep: quietly reading or writing, napping, or watching a movie or playing nintendo DS (with little or no sound). I really think they will choose the reading or writing option.

You really can’t ask too much to keep mom happy, can ya? After today, I think my kids will be willing to do whatever it takes to keep the mommy monster at bay.

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